I had so many emails and comments on last week's blog about our stories that I decided to write some more about them this week. Much of the work I do centers around helping my clients change their stories so they can get unstuck and move forward in the direction they want to go. We often believe that it is outer circumstances or another person that causes us to be in a place we don't want to be. The truth is that we keep ourselves stuck because it serves to re-enforce our stories. This is not something that we do intentionally, but happens on an unconscious level.
Often as I help my clients become aware of their unconscious story that is keeping them stuck and frustrated, they have a very difficult time accepting it. Their response will be “But it is the truth! I did have this difficult experience happen to ME!” And I would never disagree – you have experienced these circumstances, which may include an extremely difficult childhood, financial challenges, health issues, relationship failures, accidents, loss of a loved one, or losing your job. Yes, they did happen and they may have been extremely painful. But the good news is that we have the ability to choose how we want to perceive them, which can change everything. How they influence us and what we are creating in our lives.
Yes, they are real and you did suffer from them, but do you want to continue to suffer from them or would you prefer to heal the pain and move forward? It is up to you. How you perceive these experiences makes a difference on how they affect what you create in your life and how you experience life. Changing your story can make a difference in ways that can be very unexpected.
I was working with a business coaching client who has Fibromyalgia. She called me in extreme pain, very frustrated because she was in so much pain she was unable to work effectively. Her pain was so extreme her chiropractor would not work on her. She was desperate! We agreed that there was nothing to lose by doing a quick session. Her perception of the pain was that it was her enemy, there to cause her suffering and make her life miserable. As we worked she begin to understand the real purpose of the pain was to HELP HER! Its purpose was to get her attention and make her aware of how little self-care she practiced. How she skipped meals and pushed herself too far without rest or exercise. She was astonished and started to shift her prospective of the pain. And by doing so she went from a level 10 pain to a level 2 during the session. She changed her story from the pain being the enemy to it being her friend and protector
To change our stories we must first become conscious of them. We must have the courage to really own them so we can change them. So often there is another very difficult step and that is overcoming the resistance we have to letting them go and creating new stories about who we are and how we want our life to be. That is when we proclaim “But it is real!” Yes it is real but do you want to keep it? Is it serving who you want to be and what you want to create in your life? You alone can answer those questions. Often it requires help, but you are the only one that can change your stories.
Yes, you can change your stories, and YES, it will make a big impact on your life. Do you have the courage to go within to change your life?
What is your story? Is it serving how you want to be and what you want to create in your life?
For those not familiar with the term “story” it is what we tell others (and ourselves) about who we are and our life, that we believe to be true. For example someone might feel that they are always taken advantage, never get a break and are unlucky, or perhaps that they are meant to be extremely successful. Often times people have a negative or what they perceive as a negative story, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
I have found that most of my clients have resistance to releasing or changing their stories. Most of us have very strong attachments to our stories – even when they keep us STUCK in a place WE DO NOT WANT TO BE! We don’t want to be there, but we don't want to make the changes that will allow us to move forward. It doesn't always make a lot of sense – not from the point of view of our conscious minds. However, we are often ruled by our subconscious.
I had an impromptu session with someone this week that really illustrated this resistance. She insisted that she wanted to feel better (happier and more at peace) and no longer wanted to experience the feeling of being taken advantage of. I walked her through an exercise that helped her heal an earlier memory related to her feeling of being taken advantage of. When we were done she realized that the feeling had lost much of its intensity she immediately said, “But I SHOULD feel that way because of my past experience!” There was no advantage for her to hold on to that feeling but she felt that she had to. By re-framing this in her mind she is able to step forward into her personal power. Everything we have experienced in life is a part of who we are today, but we have the power to choose how it influences us. Whether it has a positive influence or depletes our personal power. While we don’t need to remove our memories of ‘negative’ events we need to re-frame our perception of them.
We have two choices surrounding the challenges in our lives – to become victims of them or to become victors over them. Will we allow them to hold us back from becoming who we want to be and creating what we want in our lives OR will they become our greatest source of growth and success? We make that choice EVERYDAY! Maybe we did not make the most empowering choice yesterday or even today, but we can choose differently tomorrow, and every day in the future.
Are you ready to change your story and create a new you and a new life? You have the power to change.
It doesn't matter what self-help guru you follow they all agree that you must accept responsibility for the life you are creating if you want to grow, become self-actualized, or become more spiritual. So, what does it mean to take complete responsibility for the life you are creating? What would it take to be this “responsible” person? For starters you would never say – oh no, it's not my fault! You would look at the unfavorable situations in your life and analyze how you helped to create that situation. So often we have such deeply held beliefs (programming) about ourselves and our place in the world that it can be difficult to understand how you are contributing to the situation. From your current perspective it appears that something or someone outside of yourself is the cause. But the truth is we almost always have some involvement. Should the situation be an outside event such as a storm or tragic accident you may be involved in its creation – or not. However, how you respond to the tragedy will have a huge impact on how the situation will affect your life. Are you willing to play the part of victim (this should never have happened to ME) or will you refuse to play that role? It is your choice.
So often we think we are taking responsibility when we aren't. We say the words “I know I have a role in creating this situation, BUT!” Watch your thoughts. Who or what are you blaming? Do you catch thoughts such as: if only the economy was better, if he just was different, if only, if only, if only!! We all have circumstances that we wish were or had been different. OK, so you can't change those but you can refuse to allow them to define who you are today, in this moment. Just as the universe is unlimited, so are we. There is no limit to how much we can change and grow. And, as we change the life we are living, our outer circumstances will change as well. Our outer circumstances will always reflect our inner self. As difficult as facing that reality can be at times there is a great blessing in it. You are being shown where you need to change and heal. What thoughts, beliefs, and feelings are no longer serving who you want to be and what you want to create in your life. It is a great gift – we just have to understand how to unwrap it.
Being stuck in a place we don't want to be can be extremely difficult. It can feel like you are mired down in quick sand, and permanently stuck. Whatever the situation, the solution is always going to require you to change something within yourself. Changing the outer circumstances without inner growth will be temporary – you will usually end up back in the same place, the place you don't want to be!
I often assign my clients journaling as one of their first homework ‘assignments’ and come to find out they often have no idea how to journal! The excuse is that they haven't had time to journal as they find their lives too busy to squeeze it in. But I find when I question them more deeply it is also that they aren't sure how to get started and don’t know what to write about. I wanted a way to help my clients develop the habit of journaling each day. It takes 21 days to develop a new habit.
So, in a moment of inspiration I decided to create a 30 day journal for my clients, to overcome those excuses. The result is my Create Success Journal. A journal to help you connect with your highest self and create a habit that will continue to support you along your path of self-growth and development. To be honest it was a lot more work than I expected, but I was so pleased with the result I decided to share it with everyone interested in creating more success in their life.
We are often quick to like or share inspirational quotes that we see on social media, but how often do we spend thinking about how we can apply them to our lives? The Success Journal has an inspiring quote for each day with a question or questions that will help you gain a deeper understanding of where your life and thoughts are. The quotes are one of three parts to each day. It is also important to stay focused on what we already have, with gratitude. Being in gratitude helps motivate us to stretch ourselves and raises our vibration to connect us with inspiration. And that is why I have included a space for you to make a daily gratitude list. And finally, we need to spend a few minutes every day to set an intention for our day. To have a plan and positive expectation for everything we will encounter during our day. If you journal in the evenings you can use this space to set your intention for the next day.
Still have a few questions? You are in luck – because if you sign up to download your copy of Create Success Journal by 6pm Mountain Time September 15 you will be able to attend my FREE CLASS – Using Your Create Success Journal to Experience A Mindset Breakthrough. I hope you will join us on the call and make a 30 day commitment to your self – to your path of personal growth.
There is one this I can't do – find time for your journaling! You have to do that for yourself.