I had so many emails and comments on last week's blog about our stories that I decided to write some more about them this week. Much of the work I do centers around helping my clients change their stories so they can get unstuck and move forward in the direction they want to go. We often believe that it is outer circumstances or another person that causes us to be in a place we don't want to be. The truth is that we keep ourselves stuck because it serves to re-enforce our stories. This is not something that we do intentionally, but happens on an unconscious level.
Often as I help my clients become aware of their unconscious story that is keeping them stuck and frustrated, they have a very difficult time accepting it. Their response will be “But it is the truth! I did have this difficult experience happen to ME!” And I would never disagree – you have experienced these circumstances, which may include an extremely difficult childhood, financial challenges, health issues, relationship failures, accidents, loss of a loved one, or losing your job. Yes, they did happen and they may have been extremely painful. But the good news is that we have the ability to choose how we want to perceive them, which can change everything. How they influence us and what we are creating in our lives.
Yes, they are real and you did suffer from them, but do you want to continue to suffer from them or would you prefer to heal the pain and move forward? It is up to you. How you perceive these experiences makes a difference on how they affect what you create in your life and how you experience life. Changing your story can make a difference in ways that can be very unexpected.
I was working with a business coaching client who has Fibromyalgia. She called me in extreme pain, very frustrated because she was in so much pain she was unable to work effectively. Her pain was so extreme her chiropractor would not work on her. She was desperate! We agreed that there was nothing to lose by doing a quick session. Her perception of the pain was that it was her enemy, there to cause her suffering and make her life miserable. As we worked she begin to understand the real purpose of the pain was to HELP HER! Its purpose was to get her attention and make her aware of how little self-care she practiced. How she skipped meals and pushed herself too far without rest or exercise. She was astonished and started to shift her prospective of the pain. And by doing so she went from a level 10 pain to a level 2 during the session. She changed her story from the pain being the enemy to it being her friend and protector
To change our stories we must first become conscious of them. We must have the courage to really own them so we can change them. So often there is another very difficult step and that is overcoming the resistance we have to letting them go and creating new stories about who we are and how we want our life to be. That is when we proclaim “But it is real!” Yes it is real but do you want to keep it? Is it serving who you want to be and what you want to create in your life? You alone can answer those questions. Often it requires help, but you are the only one that can change your stories.
Yes, you can change your stories, and YES, it will make a big impact on your life. Do you have the courage to go within to change your life?